PETA is demanding that San Francisco change the name of the slummy Tenderloin District to some kind of cruelty-free food product. This is a shocking request, mostly because I didn’t know there was a far leftist group trying to hijack the acronym of the well-known People Eating Tasty Animals group. This trademark thieving group would like everyone to eat Tofu and other synthetic foods, like Soylent Green.
In an effort to help make this ghetto area of San Francisco more appealing to tourists, I’ve assembled a list of suitable alternative names, in no particular order:
- The Bacon District – Vegans can claim it’s named after Kevin Bacon, the rest of us can appreciate the cured pork goodness of an area named after America’s favorite meat.
- Foie Gras District – Renaming the area the Foie Gras District will lend an air of French sophistication and appeal to those who wish to remake America using Europe’s failings.
- The Veal District – This name would create a vibrant image for a younger crowd.
- Tuna Safe Dolphin District – This could become the hub of great sushi in the San Fran area, while making a statement against dolphin fisherman who don’t care about how many tuna die in the cove. Think of the tourist dollars this would bring to the area!
- Can’t Lift Heavy Objects District – A name accurately reflecting the fruitopian reality they seek.
- Youthanasia – A name that reaches the core of PETA’s mission to eliminate pet ownership, while feigning care.
- Kobe Beef District – Named for a pampered breed of cattle that is fed lots of beer and receives daily massages. It doesn’t get anymore ethical than that!
- Bob Parsons District – Bob Parsons, the charismatic CEO of GoDaddy.com, recently created a controversy by stopping a rogue elephant, while feeding the village he saved from the trampling beast. This would be a great way to recognize a man who spared a large number of people from starvation.
- TurBaconEpic District – Words cannot describe the beauty of TurBaconEpic, just watch the video at the link (Rated ER – viewer discretion advised, watching may cause a coronary) .
- Feel free to leave your best suggestion in the comments below!
Hat Tip to Sea to Shining Sea aka on Twitter, DesertGardens
